| Nick: Rizzman Date: 6th February at 21:04:56 |
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Joke:
A couple is newly married and they love each other very much. Unfortunately, they get in a terrible car accident and although the man emerges from the wreckage unhurt, his wife is seriously injured and falls into a coma. Devastated, the man waits by his wife's bedside 24 hours a day cleaning her and changing her diapers. Months pass and the woman's condition does not change. The man fears the worst. One day after months of waiting, the man gets bored and feels up his wife's breast as it had been ages since he'd had any sexual contact. The wife suddenly arches her back and gives out a moan. Shocked and excited he rushes out the door to find a doctor. The man explains what happened to the doctor and the doctor responds: "Sir, that's absolutely amazing. Perhaps it is sexual stimulation that will bring your wife out of the coma. Sir, I would like you to continue with this experiment. Please, have oral sex with your wife and see if she responds. I'll wait outside the room until you're done" So the doctor steps out to give the couple some privacy. They wait for several minutes. Suddenly the man rushes from the room crying and is inconsolable. The doctor grabs the man and asks what happened? The man looks at the doctor "Doctor my wife is dead. I had oral sex with her as you asked... and now she's gone." The doctor asks "But... how is that possible?" The man replies "She choked..." |
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| Nick: Rizzman Date: 6th February at 21:04:32 |
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Joke:
A blonde went into a post office to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $10 she exclaimed "I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother." The man, eyebrow arched deviously asked "Anything?". "Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised. Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. He then said "Now get on your knees." She did. "Now take down my zipper." She did. "Now go ahead... Take it out..." he said. She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. Then paused… the man closed his eyes and whispered... "Well... go ahead." The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips tentatively and said "Hello. Mum... can you hear me?" |
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| Nick: Rizzman Date: 6th February at 21:04:07 |
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Joke:
An Englishman's wife steps up to the first tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any," she replied.The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!" Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers! Why not?" "I can't afford any on the money you give me" she protests. He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's a 10. Go and buy yourself some underwear!" Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet Mudder, Maggie! Where the fook are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any!" The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says "Well, fer the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit." |
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| Nick: Rizzman Date: 6th February at 21:02:45 |
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Joke:
Kids know far too much these days. This morning whilst in the doctors waiting room, I saw a little girl playing with her Barbie & Ken dolls imitating the doggy position. I bent down and told her, "You'll end up with little baby dolls if you keep doing that". She replied, "I don't think so. He's doing her up the arse!" |
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| Nick: robert Date: 26th December at 06:36:29 |
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Joke:
one day there was a baby the next they it was gone....why you may ask... because it crawled away .,....hahah fuck u who ever read this.. |
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| Nick: robert Date: 26th December at 06:33:59 |
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Joke:
pito jajaja |
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| Nick: Luke Davis Date: 20th October at 19:23:40 |
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Joke:
What do you call 100 black men buried up to neck hight?? Afro-turf. |
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| Nick: Heretic121 Date: 15th October at 19:36:40 |
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Joke:
A Scottish woman walked into her bedroom to find her husband wanking into his wellie. "Les!!" she shouts "You dirty bastard! Stop fucking aboot" |
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| Nick: Mistress Ninya Date: 8th October at 23:54:06 |
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Joke:
Little Julie gets her first period. Uncomfortable with talking to her parents about it she decides to ask little Johnny. So she whips up her skirt and shows him her bleeding fanny. Johnny scratches his chin and finally says "I'm no expert, but I'd say you've had your bollocks ripped off" |
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| Nick: Mistress Ninya Date: 8th October at 15:18:37 |
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Joke:
Now that India has allowed homosexuality the first lesbian couple have got married, so congratulations to Sukme Flaps and Makemeclit Singh |
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| Nick: Mistress Ninya Date: 8th October at 15:14:13 |
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Joke:
Recession Beater!! Wife says to husband "If you cycle to work we could get rid of the second car!" Husband replies "If you take it up the arse and let me cum on your face we could also get rid of the nanny!!" |
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| Nick: Mistress Ninya Date: 8th October at 15:12:40 |
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Joke:
After having a nice 69 with his girlfriend, Brian remembered he had an appointment at the dentist. He was afraid the dentist would notice the smell of fanny on his breath, so he brushed his teeth, used dental floss and on top of that a whole bottle of Listerine. As he arrived at the dentists he ate a whole packet of extra strong mints. His turn came and the dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident and relaxed he opened his mouth wide. The dentist got close and said "did you have a 69 before you came here?", Gutted, Brian asked "how did you know, does my breath smell like fanny?". The dentist replied "No, you have a skid mark on your forehead". |
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| Nick: Mistress Ninya Date: 8th October at 15:08:10 |
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Joke:
A Polish woman stows away on a ship so she can start a new life in America. 3 weeks later she is found and brought before the captain. He asks her "what are you doing on my boat?" She replies "One of your sailors is stowing me away to America. He brings me 3 meals a day and in return I let him fuck me every night". The captain replies "Oh he's fucking you alright, this is the Isle of Wight ferry!" |
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| Nick: Mistress Ninya Date: 8th October at 15:04:38 |
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Joke:
An alcoholic, a chain smoker and a gay guy all go to the Dr's. Dr tells them "if any one of you indulge one more time you will die". As they walk home they pass a bar. The alcoholic has a shot of whiskey, falls off his stool stone cold dead. his friends are shocked. As they walk off they come across a cigarette butt on the ground, still burning. The gay guys looks at the chain smoker and says "if you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead" |
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| Nick: Mistress Ninya Date: 8th October at 15:01:24 |
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Joke:
9000 people are having sex right now, 2000 are kissing and cuddling, 1000 are getting a blow job. And 1 lonely fucker is reading jokes, so you hang on in there mate, there's still hope for you yet!! |
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| Nick: Mistress Ninya Date: 8th October at 14:59:22 |
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Joke:
There's hot sex, fast sex, oral sex, anal sex, fruit sex, safe sex, bondage sex, telephone sex, group sex and for people with a face like yours, theres wanking!! |
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| Nick: Mistress Ninya Date: 8th October at 14:57:51 |
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Joke:
A blind man hires a prostitute, but as he can't see he gets the poxiest old boot on the street. They go upstairs and start getting it on. He rubs her spotty arse and she tells him not to worry, it is only acne. "Thank fuck for that" he says, "I thought it was the fuckin price list!!" |
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| Nick: Mistress Ninya Date: 8th October at 14:54:16 |
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Joke:
A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his dick. His Dr tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later his blonde girlfriend arrives home to find him with his dick in a saucer of milk. "Good heavens" she shouts, "I always wondered how you reloaded those things" |
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| Nick: Mistress Ninya Date: 8th October at 14:51:36 |
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Joke:
7 Englishmen and 1 Irishman in a rape line up. the victim walks in. Paddy steps forward and shouts "Thats her, the ungrateful fat fucker!!" |
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| Nick: Mistress Ninya Date: 8th October at 14:49:35 |
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Joke:
Little Sam asked his dad for a bike for his birthday, Dad said "no son, the mortgage is 80k, we're in debt, we've got bills coming out of our ears and mummy has just lost her job". Little Sam was heartbroken. Next day, Sam walked into the hallway with his suitcase packed, Dad asked "where are you going son?", Sam replied "I walked past your bedroom last night Dad, and I heard you say to Mum that you were pulling out, she told you to wait cos she was coming too, so if you think I'm stopping here on my own with an 80k mortgage and debts, and no fucking bike, you can think again sunshine" |
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